Saturday, 28 January 2012

Construction - a poem

Starting out was simple,

a joyous thing to do,

you built without concern or care;

the palace of the new.


You laid each brick so carefully,

cementing it in line,

so focused on the task ahead.

Believing it was fine.


The walls grew high around you,

you laboured on within,

each interlocking fragment

an ever thickening skin.


Oblivious to the weather,

to rain or storm-swept sky,

you carried on constructing.

You never wondered why.


You built high, never pausing

on the task that you’d begun,

until the day you realised that

you’d never reach the sun.


Beginning it was easy,

but knowing now is tough;

however high you built those walls

would never be enough

------

One of the comments on my last blog post was from Joe Pereira, who, amongst other things asked me if I could "write something about "building walls" ?" this poem is my response to that. 

Thank you Joe - I'm not sure how well I've risen to the challenge, but I hope you like it

27 comments:

Shea Goff said...

Nice and tidy like the wall. Quite beautiful.

Zainab Ummer Farook said...

Building walls is indeed futile - however high/thick you make them, somebody always breaks through.

The last two lines are my favourite. For me, they also capture the human nature of wanting more and more.

Short, bitter and very striking. Thumbs up!

Bobby Stevenson said...

Nice response Sharon :-) xxx

Young at Heart said...

brilliant..........I think you got it in one!!

The Elephant's Child said...

Early I was convinced you were talking about the walls we build within. A lovely piece. Thank you.

Mrs Smith said...

Walls of aspiration to hide in. Beautiful.

The Idiot Gardener said...

This is good, well paced, and the construction is solid (no pun intended).

The last stanza was, for me (and I do stress for me) superfluous. The emotional empathy I felt had peaked at the end of the stanza before.

"I'm only telling ya because I loves ya!"

Bobby Stevenson said...

Just read it several times again Sharon - always that sliver of sadness, but joy at life as well. Lovely.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Walls within
and walls without
a solid poem
without a doubt.

I'm sure he will love it.

Bill Dameron said...

And now you can write about tearing down those walls. :)

Starlight said...

Beautiful.

Dicky Carter is... said...

This is just lovely. I so wish I could write poetry.

Nessa Roo said...

It's kind of...sad.
Especially those last two lines.
(but I bet it'll put a smile on Joe's face.)

Joe Pereira said...

Wow! Thank you so much Sharon. It's a lovely poem and so accurate as to the way I feel at the moment. Your mind reading skills are as sharp as your writing skills! Nessa commented it would put a smile on my face but it did much more than that - it has made me feel a whole range of emotions and question the reason for my initial request.

Thank you again Sharon - big hug

Joe Pereira said...

I hope you don't mind if I borrow your poem and turn it into a song or use it in my blog. I'll always mention you as the writer ;) Is that OK?

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I like the pace of this. As others have said, it is solid and tidy (and I'd add vertical) like the walls it references.

Sharon Longworth said...

Goodness - you lot are so very generous with your comments - and every single one of them is very much appreciated.

Shea - thank you. I thought that a poem about walls should have a fairly rigid structure. Not sure if it restricts it too much, but then I'm probably never entirely comfortable with my poems.

Zainab - ah yes, building walls may be futile, but so many of us do it don't we?

Bobby - thank you - as ever x

Young at Heart - and thank you too!

Sharon Longworth said...

The Elephant's Child - really glad you liked it - thank you.

Mrs Smith - thank you!

IG - would you believe I put that last stanza in, then took it out, and finally put it back in again. I think you are probably right. But more importantly, I'm really, really, pleased that you offered some thoughts to help me make it better - thank you.

Bobby - I can't tell you how pleased I am that you took the time to come back and read this again - thank you xx

mybabyjohn/Delores - I don't think I've ever been honoured with a poem in return before - thank you!

Sharon Longworth said...

Bill - oh my goodness, is this my next writing challenge?

Starlight - as ever, thank you.

Dicky - I know how well you write - I'm entirely convinced you can write poetry, and I look forward to reading some before too long.

Nessa Roo - that's the thing about walls, they bring us safety, but close us right in as well...

Sharon Longworth said...

Joe - thank you - for giving me the motive to write this and for leaving such a great comment.
And as for borrowing it - I'm hugely flattered that you'd want to - and very pleased too. It's a long time since my words were used as song lyrics, but that's another story...

Pat said...

To be able to write to order is the sign of a real pro.

ND Mitchell said...

The feeling I got from reading this is that what starts out as a "noble pursuit" actually ends up in futilty-separating the "builder" rather than achieving any worthwhile purpose. I automatically thought of writing as the act and wondered if that's a fear within every writer-that what they're doing is ultimately purposeless...And then I realised that by even thinking these thoughts your writing had connected to me, and so many other people. Therefore, I think the "building" act of writing is profoundly important. Bottom line: keep writing. Fabulous poem!!

steven said...

ahhh sharon yes walls . . . i've watched small ones get built slowly ever so slowly into walls so tall so wide that no one could scale them or even measure their scale. cool good writing!!!! steven

Baglady said...

I thought this was lovely (and I am not normally a poetry fan). Simple but sophisticated.


I found the double line spacing a bit odd - was this intentional?

Cle Reveries said...

I like this poem very much.
... and what I think about walls is in your answer to Nessa Roo:"they bring us safety, but close us right in as well..."
Thanks

KristyInTheCorner said...

You took the words right out of my mouth!

Susan Cooper said...

My friend, This is beautifully done! Love the poem.

PS: I have moved to a new site. Come visit when you have time. I would love it if you subscribed and liked my FB page http://www.findingourwaynow.com.

:-), Susan Cooper