a joyous thing to do,
you built without concern or care;
the palace of the new.
You laid each brick so carefully,
cementing it in line,
so focused on the task ahead.
Believing it was fine.
The walls grew high around you,
you laboured on within,
each interlocking fragment
an ever thickening skin.
Oblivious to the weather,
to rain or storm-swept sky,
you carried on constructing.
You never wondered why.
You built high, never pausing
on the task that you’d begun,
until the day you realised that
you’d never reach the sun.
Beginning it was easy,
but knowing now is tough;
however high you built those walls
would never be enough
------
but knowing now is tough;
however high you built those walls
would never be enough
------
One of the comments on my last blog post was from Joe Pereira, who, amongst other things asked me if I could "write something about "building walls" ?" this poem is my response to that.
Thank you Joe - I'm not sure how well I've risen to the challenge, but I hope you like it
27 comments:
Nice and tidy like the wall. Quite beautiful.
Building walls is indeed futile - however high/thick you make them, somebody always breaks through.
The last two lines are my favourite. For me, they also capture the human nature of wanting more and more.
Short, bitter and very striking. Thumbs up!
Nice response Sharon :-) xxx
brilliant..........I think you got it in one!!
Early I was convinced you were talking about the walls we build within. A lovely piece. Thank you.
Walls of aspiration to hide in. Beautiful.
This is good, well paced, and the construction is solid (no pun intended).
The last stanza was, for me (and I do stress for me) superfluous. The emotional empathy I felt had peaked at the end of the stanza before.
"I'm only telling ya because I loves ya!"
Just read it several times again Sharon - always that sliver of sadness, but joy at life as well. Lovely.
Walls within
and walls without
a solid poem
without a doubt.
I'm sure he will love it.
And now you can write about tearing down those walls. :)
Beautiful.
This is just lovely. I so wish I could write poetry.
It's kind of...sad.
Especially those last two lines.
(but I bet it'll put a smile on Joe's face.)
Wow! Thank you so much Sharon. It's a lovely poem and so accurate as to the way I feel at the moment. Your mind reading skills are as sharp as your writing skills! Nessa commented it would put a smile on my face but it did much more than that - it has made me feel a whole range of emotions and question the reason for my initial request.
Thank you again Sharon - big hug
I hope you don't mind if I borrow your poem and turn it into a song or use it in my blog. I'll always mention you as the writer ;) Is that OK?
I like the pace of this. As others have said, it is solid and tidy (and I'd add vertical) like the walls it references.
Goodness - you lot are so very generous with your comments - and every single one of them is very much appreciated.
Shea - thank you. I thought that a poem about walls should have a fairly rigid structure. Not sure if it restricts it too much, but then I'm probably never entirely comfortable with my poems.
Zainab - ah yes, building walls may be futile, but so many of us do it don't we?
Bobby - thank you - as ever x
Young at Heart - and thank you too!
The Elephant's Child - really glad you liked it - thank you.
Mrs Smith - thank you!
IG - would you believe I put that last stanza in, then took it out, and finally put it back in again. I think you are probably right. But more importantly, I'm really, really, pleased that you offered some thoughts to help me make it better - thank you.
Bobby - I can't tell you how pleased I am that you took the time to come back and read this again - thank you xx
mybabyjohn/Delores - I don't think I've ever been honoured with a poem in return before - thank you!
Bill - oh my goodness, is this my next writing challenge?
Starlight - as ever, thank you.
Dicky - I know how well you write - I'm entirely convinced you can write poetry, and I look forward to reading some before too long.
Nessa Roo - that's the thing about walls, they bring us safety, but close us right in as well...
Joe - thank you - for giving me the motive to write this and for leaving such a great comment.
And as for borrowing it - I'm hugely flattered that you'd want to - and very pleased too. It's a long time since my words were used as song lyrics, but that's another story...
To be able to write to order is the sign of a real pro.
The feeling I got from reading this is that what starts out as a "noble pursuit" actually ends up in futilty-separating the "builder" rather than achieving any worthwhile purpose. I automatically thought of writing as the act and wondered if that's a fear within every writer-that what they're doing is ultimately purposeless...And then I realised that by even thinking these thoughts your writing had connected to me, and so many other people. Therefore, I think the "building" act of writing is profoundly important. Bottom line: keep writing. Fabulous poem!!
ahhh sharon yes walls . . . i've watched small ones get built slowly ever so slowly into walls so tall so wide that no one could scale them or even measure their scale. cool good writing!!!! steven
I thought this was lovely (and I am not normally a poetry fan). Simple but sophisticated.
I found the double line spacing a bit odd - was this intentional?
I like this poem very much.
... and what I think about walls is in your answer to Nessa Roo:"they bring us safety, but close us right in as well..."
Thanks
You took the words right out of my mouth!
My friend, This is beautifully done! Love the poem.
PS: I have moved to a new site. Come visit when you have time. I would love it if you subscribed and liked my FB page http://www.findingourwaynow.com.
:-), Susan Cooper
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